Falling in Love

I remember when Steve and I were dating and I had that "I am falling in love with this guy" feeling. Well the same thing happens with my children. I start getting excited when they make eye contact with me and smile. Sometimes I just feel such an overwhelming sensation as I hold Louis all I can think to do is just squeeze him. I usually instantly regret it as the next event that happens is half digested breast milk all down my shirt. I want it to be known to all, it is official I am in love!

I Had A Dream Last Night

So last night I was on a sailboat. I am not familiar with sailboats and I am feeling uncomfortable. The wind starts to pick up and I am moving through the water really fast. I look around and see that all four of my kids are on the boat with me. I start to panic and call to them to stay close to me. I look up to realize the water is extremely shallow in certain areas and there are coral reefs everywhere. I see nothing but water no land and I have no sense of direction. I need help and realize no one can help me. The wind is getting stronger. We are moving fast. The faster we move the lower we move into the water. My kids are all under the water and I am trying to maneuver around the coral reefs and hold all four of my kids above the water so they can breath. They keep slipping out of my hold and its beginning to get dark. This was my dream last night

also my life. This is how I feel about having a fourth child. Welcome to the world Louis!

Did I Ever Tell You That I am Pregnant?

I am due in three weeks. This pregnancy has gone by so fast. There is still so much for me to do before the baby gets here. It doesn't help that I am tired all day because lack of sleep. Yes, I cannot sleep. My circulation is not good so when I sleep whatever side I am laying on that arm becomes "dead" you know all tingly and burning. So I wake on everyday around 3am (I am typing this blog at 4:39 am). This has been my most uncomfortable pregnancy yet. Partly due to our extreme socal heat. Which I am enjoying a reprieve from. I do not want to complain too much about my pregnancy because one who likes complainers? Two the end result is something so glorious, a beautiful baby! I was laying in bed thinking about being pregnant. I just turned 30 and for the past, almost 7 years I have been pregnant for three of those years and when not pregnant I have been breastfeeding. Sounds like dedication or craziness. Some more of my thoughts on pregnancy and babies. I get more nervous every delivery. I know it should seem the other way around but, I am more nervous to give birth this time (my 4th) then I was with my 1st. I am so excited to see the baby to see what he looks like. It is one of the most sacred things when a baby takes thier first breath. They hand my Baby to me I look at them and I see someone I feel I have always known. Someone who has always been with me. Or they hand me my Baby and I feel like I am looking at a complete stranger and I feel confused as to why I do not feel this "deep connection" with the Baby. Yes, I have had both experiences. I have learned even though you may not feel

"connected" in an instant the relationship with your Baby can grow in to an absolute love affair! Yes, I am referring to My Love Clyde. When he was born I did not want to hold him Steve was really emotional with tears streaming down his face and I just remember thinking "what is he crying about?" Well everything worked out I feel in love with my son. I did not struggle with postpartum depression with him. So I am very curious how everything will turn out for this delivery and this little baby BOY B. I love babies especially my own and I love being a mom(most of the time).

Wish I Could Bottle This Up!

Clydes Birthday cake. It was a joint effort between Steve and I.

Me holding my Clydee in the hospital.

The smile that sends me all a flutter.

It has always grossed me out a little listening to women talk about their sons and then I had one. I am madly in love with my little man. He turned two on august 8th and I want to just bottle him up so I can always have things how they are right now. Clyde is the sweetest little boy. He loves his Mom and the thought of it ever being any other way can bring me to tears.

Fun with Photo Booth

Lazy Mom, Lovely Daughter. Happy Birthday Clara!

So my sweet Clara turned 4 on July 19th. She is convinced she is catching up to June since June will not turn 6 until september. Clara is a whole lot of sweet with some new found 4 year old sass.

Here are somethings about Clara I want to always remember:

- She has an amazing imagination. This is a world she enters very often. She has a husband named Chote and her name is Meato Seato they live in Texas and they have a dog named Lucy. Clara will go on and on about how they met and how much Chote loves her.

- She loves to dance and usually has a very serious look on her face while she is doing it.

- She comes in our room every night and cuddles with Steve and I.

- Clara refers to Steve(her Dad) as her boyfriend especially when she wants something. She has Steve wrapped around her finger and he knows it.

- Clara always talks about getting married. She recently told me that when she grows up she will marry the Goblin King (David Bowie) from the movie "Labyrinth" and become the Goblin Queen. They will do magical things together.

-On Claras first day of pre-school she insisted that she bring her Book of Mormon to show everyone.

- Clara is very sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily. 

- She is a peacemaker.

- She is quiet, but not shy.(unless Kenny Brady is around)

- Clara dresses herself and I am amazed at some of the outfits she comes up with. She already has a taste for fashion and loves getting new clothes.

- Clara has yet to lose her big cheeks and I hope she doesn't anytime soon.

- Clara was the easiest baby and has so far been a fairly easy child. I always say she brings a needed balance into our Home. 

 

This list can go on and on, though I will stop here. 

Things Clara has said to me today

She was crying for me this morning at around 4:30 am

me: what's wrong?

Clara: I'm wet

me: Did you pee the bed again?

Clara: No, I was playing in the sprinklers.

me: No, you weren't its dark outside.

Clara: Yes, I went out there after you went to sleep. I don't pee my bed.

This morning around 10:00 am

me: Clara can I have a hug.

Clara: No, I will give you one tomorrow.

me: Tomorrow, I want one now!  

Clara: You have to be patient.

Today at 12:20- we are watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas" I am singing along quietly

Clara: Mom you sound very pretty when you sing quietly and I can't really hear you.